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The fight 

I don’t have the energy to post the whole story right now. I set a boundary with my best friend 4 weeks ago. She hasn’t spoken to me, or responded to texts messages (I sent one a week to let her know I was still here even if she was mad at me). Today she responded, basically telling me the friendship is over, that she can not forgive me. My world just fell apart. I lost my big sister, best friend, advocate and supporter. I don’t know how to do this without knowing she is there. I’m not okay. I’m really, really not okay. 

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20 thoughts on “The fight 

  1. So sorry to hear that. Of course you’re not okay – it’s not an okay thing to happen. It hurts and it sucks. Hope you are able to surround yourself with love and support from the other important people in your life.

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  2. Sirena says:

    That seems like a big reaction to you setting a boundary. Do you think time will heal this, that she’ll calm down eventually? I’m so sorry this happened, it’s so painful.

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    • I’m not sure if time can heal this. She’s never gotten mad at me before. She’s been frustrated, but never mad. I just don’t know. Thank you for validating my feelings on this.

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  3. Sometimes when learning to become a better friend to oneself, things that once were acceptable from others no longer are. And when we voice a feeling, need or boundary to someone who seemed such a good friend and who probably is not used to the changes and/or growth that led to the voicing of a truth that needed to be voiced, the reception is as awful as you describe. She is hurting you as badly as she was hurt, or trying to, going overboard, and not doing so in an adult way either.
    Sounds so play-yard. “you won’t play with me, I won’t play with you.’
    Maybe repair can occur after she gets over it.
    I have lost friends when I’ve spoken up. Or after speaking up, the interaction decreases. But with those that happens with, it is in my best interests because I’d been walked all over until I spoke up. But I have to add, finding friends and keeping them has not been my forte’, but over the last 10-15 years improvements have been made.
    I hope with time, if you feel this friendship is worth it, that repair can be made. I know how this hurts, but I also know you well enough that you did not deserve such a statement from her.

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    • I don’t know if she is having a bad reaction to my setting a boundary– it’s not something I usually do. I do feel like this is a friendship I want to repair. I just don’t know if it can be.

      Thank you for all your kind words, and understanding. It helps to know others get it.

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  4. Grace to Survive said it best. It’s unfortunate, sad, devastating and it feels like a betrayal and you begin to question your judgement, however, it is common that when we become healthy, begin to take care of ourselves by recognizing OUR needs and set healthy boundaries, we will sometimes find that our “friends” back away from us. You need to remember, though it takes a while to truly feel it, that their walking away has more tondo with them than you. They are threatened by your growth and saddened for themselves because they can no longer abuse or manipulate you. I know the feelings and crazy making thinking that goes on in your head when this happens. It hurts like hell and yet we survive it, grow from it and learn we deserve better, always have and are gaining the confidence, self worth and tools needed to get it. I’m sorry for your pain. You have Bea and many others on your side

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