My dancin’ shoes

So I’m okay today. I had a freak out last night and made hubby bring me home– all the way home, like hours of driving home. My mom may or may not be speaking to me. I’m not sure at this point. I feel raw, ripped open, spilt in two. I feel numb and as of I’m going to be swallowed whole by these bad feelings, as if the anxiety and thetoo real feelings, terrified, sick feelings might kill me. But I’m home. I texted Bea last night, and she was there, just like she said she would be. She was really there.  I read the comments on my blog, too, throughout the night, going to the restroom and taking a breath. All of your combined voices encouraging me and standing behind me helped. 

So, as promised, a picture of my shoes, and one of my dress as well. The picture of me might come down after today, just because I don’t know if I can feel safe leaving it up. But I wanted you guys to see my pretty pink dress. Even though I don’t love that everything always has to be this designer label, this thing back in country club land, I sure do love this dress. It really is beautiful. And, it has pockets! I know right?!?! How awesome is that? 

the very pink dress I wore to my brother’s wedding


the not designer, not fancy, not perfect shoes I wore to my brother’s wedding

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28 thoughts on “My dancin’ shoes

    • Thank you patty. I love this dress too. Pockets are just so awesome. My mother would say pockets add width to the hips which is not good and that’s why women’s clothing doesn’t have pockets. Maybe she is right. Crazy, but right. πŸ™„

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  1. You looked wonderful in your dress!! And you survived. Thank goodness it is over now.

    Now you can move past dreading “what will happen?” and move through dealing and putting it in the past.

    As for your mom, I wish that it was easier to stop protecting our moms so they could understand and deal with the entire situation. Or simply even possible to do so. Because your mom may think that she has something she is right to be angry with you about, but the fact that you showed up at all was an incredible act of courage. She may not understand that she is in the wrong, but boy is she ever in the wrong.

    However, I completely get that sometimes moms are so invested in not knowing and things being ok that it becomes impossible to talk.

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    • Thank you PD. I love the shoes too. The dress was pretty great though, but being that I let my patents pay for the dress and jewelry (way out of my price range!) and the shoes were all me, and paid for by me, yeah, those were the bestest part. πŸ™‚

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    • Thanks Rachel. I’m glad it’s over too. There was some processing on Monday, a lot of crying and a lot of hiding and avoiding today. I have a feeling the weekend will be spent emailing and it will be a while to process it all. XxπŸ’Ÿ

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  2. Lovely! And it’s so great that you went looking like your own wonderful self, the way YOU wanted. Being yourself in the face of pressure to be someone else is a great strength.

    And phew, what a relief to have it over with! I’m glad for you.

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      • I am glad you got it, I am always reluctant to comment because I find it so hard to find actual words. Writing your blog is brave, sharing in the way you do is brave. I am so very grateful for your blog. Being rubbish and communicating my own struggles I am so grateful to you (and other wp bloggers because I feel less alone) Of course I am sorry you had to go through any of it in the first place. That photograph radiates beauty and honesty. Take care dear one ❀️❀️❀️

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      • I think your comments are beautiful, please don’t ever be afraid to share here on my blog! πŸ’Ÿ And I’m very glad that my writing has made you feel less alone. That was one of my goals with my blog. So thank you for that. You made my day. πŸ™‚

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  3. I would love your dress if it was half tartan and half lime green polka dots, because you love it! And it shows in the photo. Well done for getting through it, and well done for asserting yourself and getting hubby to take you home.

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    • Thank you Rea. I actually love green polka dots…..πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€ But in all seriousness, thank you for loving it. It’s funny, that’s the happiest picture I have of me all night that night, and it’s the one I handed hubby my phone so I would be able to send Bea a picture and post it here….so I knew it was a photo going to people who like me and care for me and support me. I wonder if that’s why it’s obvious I’m happy? XxπŸ’Ÿ

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      • I like that idea! And I like that you can be yourself with us. There’s so much personality in the photo, I love the finger hooked into your pocket.

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