I really liked Andi’s idea of putting special words spoken or written by her therapist on the lock screen of her phone to maintain a connection and remember the words. So, I copied her idea. It might be odd, but it’s given me a lot of comfort to read her words throughout my day. It’s made me feel less alone. It’s uncomfortable to admit to needing Bea, to using her words like a security blanket. But there it is. I’m trying something new- no more hiding me.
I’m also very afraid I’m going to forget, decide to pretend away all of this, and I’ll forget that I didn’t have any control, that I didn’t do this, that he was wrong. So Bea’s words have meant so much to me these past few days.