This isn’t going to be this neat, organized thing. My head is a giant triggery mess. And also, this is sort of…..personal feeling but I just need to write about it.
I have a yeast infection. I’ve never had one before, so at first I incorrectly assumed I was sore down there from sleeping with my husband. Which was sort of triggering. When it didn’t go away after a day, I said something to Kay about it. She (who is not shy about these things or embarrassed by body stuff at all) asked a bunch of questions and said it sounded like a yeast infection, but because I had never had one before, I needed to call my doctor. I called, and of course she had no appointments for like three weeks. I really didn’t want to see a different doctor for this because of how triggered exams of made me in the past, so I emailed her. She called me, and we talked. She agreed it sounded like a yeast infection and told me what to buy over the counter.
All of that to say, yeast infections hurt. And that has led to me being extremely triggered for several days now. I didn’t really remember this feeling of being sore down there, just constant soreness. I spent a lot of my childhood and tween/teen years being sore down there. Just this constant dull sort of pain that doesn’t stop. It’s such a stupid thing, to be triggered like this, over an infection. I just don’t think my adult self, or any of the parts really remembered hurting after for days. I haven’t been sleeping much, and when I do sleep, I have nightmares. I’m sore (although I think at this point the sore is more in my head), I’m scared, I’m triggered, I can’t stop crying, I feel so alone right now, and all I want to do is hide. I have this feeling that something bad just happened, or is going to happen and I can’t escape it.