Well. I did it. I send Bea an email, stating I was worried about the lack of response to Thursday’s email. Now it’s more waiting, and more anxiety. Ugh.
Falling down the rabbit hole
Trauma therapy, life after sexual abuse & PTSD
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Falling down the rabbit hole 
The waiting is awful. Will support you, and wait with you x
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Thank you..she just wrote back. Everything is okay. Shs got busy and distrscted and didn’t get to it. I didn’t do anything wrong, and she isn’t upset with me. Whew. I can breathe again.
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I’m glad you emailed and got a prompt response this time. Sorry you’ve had such a rough few days because of it though.
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I should have just emailed to begin with, but i tend to have to overthink everything until i’m such a mess i can only curl up and hide or reach out. Thank you for being here, supporting and understanding me the last few days. 😊xx
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Haha I am the same way on overthinking, as I have been with my own therapist appointment tomorrow. ❤️
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Tomorrow is your first appointment, right?
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Yep, I’ve been filling out the paperwork for it. Lots of questions.
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Ugh. I hate paperwork. That is just the type of thing to make me overthink. Just remember, you are in control of the therapy session, and you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.
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I definitely didn’t fill out everything on the form, some personal stuff and then one part that asked for our household salary and debts. I thought that was strange.
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That’s the sort of info that would be used to determine a sliding fee scale, if you don’t have insurance.
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Ahhh, okay. That makes sense. That threw my husband and me both for a loop!
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I think it’s okay that you didn’t answer everything. Therapists understand that some questions are just too personal until you get to know them better.
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E, I am thinking of you today and hope it all goes well! Xx
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Thank you! 🙂
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I’m so glad that you emailed and heard back from Bea. I’ve been known to send emails saying, “it’s probably all just in my mind, but am I in trouble for something?”
Once she had been a bit annoyed because I had been a few minutes late and she was feeling pressure already from 60 minutes not being enough and other times she’s been tired and off or distracted, but I’ve never been “in trouble” in the way that I’m thinking.
I suspect that you will find the same to be true with Bea.
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Oh, thank you for getting this. I often wonder how I can be an adult and so worried about “being in trouble”. Ugh. But yes, I think I know deep down Bea never is mad like that– I just can’t yet hold that idea completely. Maybe one day I won’t need her to reassure me. I hope you have been okay– I haven’t seen you posting much. Xx
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You are an adult, but some parts of you got stuck at younger traumatized stages. My therapist is very interested in Internal Family Systems as a model for working with both trauma and non trauma clients. She says that basically everyone has parts, it’s just that those of us who used dissociation to survive trauma have them in much more elaborated/ separate forms from everyone else. So anyone who has abandonment issues might have a young part that needs extra reassurance. Right now you need it from Bea, but as you said, eventually you may be able to give it to yourself. I’m betting that you will be able to sooner than you would expect.
Things have been very, very challenging. I’ve also had a hard time writing. Thanks for asking. I did manage to do a post today, though.
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Bea uses IFS, too.😊 (Bug surprise, huh?) I think it’s a good model and is helpful. And it is usually the little girl part that needs reassurance. She’s just too strong for my adult to calm down on my own.
I’m sorry things have been hard. I glad you got a post up, I’ll go read it in a bit. I hope you are being nice to yourself, giving yourself a break, using art or whatever else to ground and self soothe. Hugs if you want them. Xx
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I agree – so glad you emailed to get the reassurance you needed. Sometimes we can’t get there on our own; if we could, we wouldn’t need them!
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Thank you. You’re right, of course. Bea often says if I felt awesome, I wouldn’t be seeing her twice a week, so she must get that I can’t do it all on my own yet.
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Exactly. She certainly does get it, and it sounds like she has no problem reminding you that sometimes life just gets in the way of her responding as promptly as she would like. But it has nothing to do with how much she cares for you!
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She is really honest and real. Its what i like about her– no excuses or BS, just honesty. 😊
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Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you today and hope your appointment goes well. I can only imagine your a bit anxious to show up today! 💜💜💜
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Thanks sweetie. I’m feeling better that she emailed me back, but of course there is still just anxiety about her knowimg how her not responding effected me. Ugh. Stupid attchment and trust issues.
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