I’ve missed it here

Can I come back to the blog world? Will you all take me back, even though I’ve been gone forever and I’m behind on everyone’s blogs? I’ve really missed the friendship and support I found here. I’ve wondered how everyone is, and I have meant to come read and comment and write this blog post but time keeps getting away from me. 
This summer has been interesting. It’s been both really, really good and crazy making difficult. Early on in the summer, Kat and I developed a schedule and our days and weeks ran really smooth. So my days have typically gone like this: 

–Early morning get up and clean house

–yoga on my deck outside, surrounded by trees, blue sky, and the water

–wake kiddo, and after breakfast (yeah, i eat breakfast now!) head off to the gym for a swim with Kat and yoga class on my own while she plays with other kids 

–home and lunch break, pack for the beach and spend the rest of the day at the beach 

–dinner and then snuggles with Kat while we watch a show or movie, then bedtime yoga

–actually fall asleep before midnight 

So. The summer started out wonderfully. I’ve been feeling more grounded in myself and present in my days and I’ve been able to be calmer and control my emotions. Things have been good for me. I’ve felt much more in control of all of me and all of my life, and much more authentic and real. 

The struggle has been when hubby is around, I’m on edge. Being more grounded in my body means that I am so very aware of the little touches on my shoulder, hugs, a kiss….it means that I am so aware of how close hubby is to me. It puts me on edge and sends me into this hyper aware crazy place. 

The struggle has been that my mother planned family events every weekend in July. I skipped the first and last events, but spending two long weekends in a row with her was stressful and difficult. She is so incredibly focused on things being picture perfect and I really had been so focused on living authentically that being around my mother and her need for the fake me caused a lot of panic and anxiety. 

Now that it’s August, I’m working hard to get back to our routine from the beginning of summer but it’s been hard. I had a trauma memory get dredged up from the depths of my crazy head, and I have been up and down ever since. My brother is also getting married in six weeks, and HE will be at the wedding. The parts have been worried and scared and sick over that little fact. 

So…..there’s a very short update of how things have been. I’ll dive deeper into how things have been, what’s going on with therapy, with relationships, with the little girl next time. 

I hope everyone is well and has been able to enjoy the summer.